When bad experiences feel like a dagger

You’re probably thinking, what a way to say it Sasha. As dramatic as it is, this is exactly how I feel with every piece of bad news I recieve. I’m not going to pretend like I don’t still do this because I do. I am only human. I have experienced many difficult times in my life which have positively shaped me into the woman I am today. Would I be the same person if I didn’t. Probably not. So, for that I am thankful but, an individual can only handle so much until it’s too much. I could give you a list of all the things that felt like a dagger but I won’t, the last thing I want is people to pity me or feel bad. I want to add that I’m sharing this with you so you feel heard and seen, and can reflect on your own emotions and experiences.

I think slowly overtime I have become more aware of my emotions and mental health. While this is great, it makes me respond in an emotional way when bad things happen. I don’t mean ‘emotional’ in a bad way. I hate the stigma that being emotional is weak. It’s a powerful tool in understanding yourself better. However, because I feel so deeply, when bad things feel like they are piling on top of me, it feels like ‘a dagger’. I feel weak and numb, not really knowing what to do next. A friend once told me, ‘I don’t think you're as open about how you are feeling as much as you think’. She was right. Maybe that’s why the impact of these bad events feels so awful. It’s weird because I am so open to talking about what I am struggling with to strangers. I suppose it’s easier as you don’t want the people who see you all the time to know you're not doing well. 

Some of you may not know, but I started my podcast ‘Life As Sash Knows It’ to empower people to talk about their mental health. I like to use the example of when you were in school and didn’t do the homework, and you find out everyone else also didn’t do it either. You feel so much better. I take that but with mental health, as when you feel you're not the only person feeling a certain way it makes you feel lighter. I think this demonstrates that speaking to others in times of difficulties can effectively help you feel better about your situation.

If there is anything to take from this is know you're not alone. Although you can’t stop the ‘dagger’, you can control the effect it has on you. If I wasn’t diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, then I would have never created my podcast or posted this on a blog. Talk to someone when you are ready. Yes, the situation will still be there but, you may find that the ‘dagger’ may soon become a ‘pebble’.

Sash x